Iām waking up slow. Itās late. The kids are sleeping in my bed. I open my eyes and wake up to little limbs strewn about, tiny bodies in deep slumber. Thereās no school routine we need to be up for, just a lazy slow morning. Itās like their arms and legs know they can sink in for the extra rest.
I enjoy the sight of my babies, who look like angels in their sleep. In a moment, Iāll get up and begin my daily morning routine of readying myself, putting away the pile up in the sink and making coffee as the rest of the house, dog and familyā plus our guests, begin to come out of their rooms.
I used to luxuriate in this quiet living room, at one time filming peaceful mountain mornings for youtube while journaling against sweeping views. Now, itās a tapestry for the buzzing energy of children. There is running that sounds like quick little thumps, toys being pulled out, crawling, stumbling from the toddlers who are learning to move through the world in a zombie-like crypt walk, the scent of coffee, eggs and bagels filling the air - replacing the linen scented candles and absolute silence that used to dominate this room. Itās okay. I love it. And you do too.
I read many a āparent survivalā newsletter this summer from moms - both experienced and in it - offering sage advice for these times. While I love nothing more than good tips, if weāre being honest, underneath all life hacks is lurking the one real insight worth extractingā¦
I know this because I keep that truth in a tiny emotional pandoraās box hidden away among the day-to-day distractions.
I donāt dare open it. Itās something my anxiety happily does for me at 3am when all my other intrusive thoughts like to come and remind me they exist. They wonāt be this little forever, it hisses.
With that as a solid foundation, and I apologize for coming at you with the aggressive realization that our babies are growing up and will one day need us differently - far less if we have done our job well. But if we can for moment begin from that space of appreciation for this season, I think we will all find the joy in these hectic times.
Summer chaos and core memories have taught me a few valuable insights Iām taking with me into this fall season. Here is my humble offering.
Be where you are
The other morning, my husband and I were sitting in our brand new porch in the home we just moved into (more on that in my next newsletter). It was a rare uninterrupted moment when just the two of us were awake.
āI wanted to do a ton of stuff until I realized I never get the chance to be up and alone in the morning,ā he said.
Horses could be heard grazing in the distance and I agreed, the chill coffee moment was a far better use of his time. But he was still frustrated with the to-do list etching itself in his mind. I could physically see the tension living inside him. The wanting to be here and appreciate this space and time, and the knee jerk reaction to look at everything, judge it and create a list on how to optimize it.
Iāve never been good at being in my season either. At every stage in my life, Iāve looked ahead with impatience, including motherhood. However, after 3 and a half years, I am finally accepting this is where I am and where I want to be. I genuinely accept that I cannot live under the constraints or high expectations of my previous life before children. In other words, one of us was enjoying this move more than the other.
I understood completely how he felt. From the difficulty of enjoying this new home and the changes that come with it, both good and bad, to the seemingly impossible task of divorcing myself from the belief that all the things I want in this life will pass me by and Iām a loser if these external boxes arenāt checked, like, right now.
This is not the stage where we have a ton of free time to tackle projects. Itās the stage where there is work to be done for sure, but most of our time and effort is shared and put into our young kids. When I accept this, that reality doesnāt feel like something holding me back from āwhat I need to accomplish,ā it enriches my life and gives me the best (and most adorable) permission slip to go slow.
Being a mother has felt like having a huge list of things to do that I rarely get around to. The necessities quickly reveal themselves because the essentials are always done. But the rest, the things that might fulfill me, curiosities to exploreā¦ those are largely untouched or gotten around to at a glacial speed. This really irked me at first, I honestly felt like it must be my fault and I was shocked to get to the end of a day feeling like I did only a hand full of things. I swear, it felt like an out of body experience.
When I accept this is my season of life and the bar for how much I āget doneā is different, Iām at peace. When Iām at peace, my family and friends around me feel it. Itās like they are buoyed by my contentment and ease, a ripple effect thatās helped me see just how much my one little life matters.
Know when to tap out
We made so many core memories this summer. I could literally feel them turning into a fluorescent little amber orb (definitely joyful) and being filed off into whatever islands exist in our consciousness. Much of that is credited to the influx of friend time we had, which included hanging out with seasoned parents. This is its own special gift because it taught me so much. Knowing when to tap out is something I observed many experienced parents fully get. They have no hesitation to call it and swiftly change the scenery.
With little kids (and in my own adult life), I can at times linger too long. A good time can sour very quickly. My takeaway? Usually if it feels just a wee bit too early to go home, itās probably the right time to pack it up.
1 to 2 things a day and no more
In a world that all but demands we become human-doings, it is so refreshing to justā¦ not. This lesson is highly tacticalāā whenever we can help it, we set out to do one or two things in a day. Thatās it. The positive influence of this mindset cannot be understated.
Hereās how it looks: We try to go out somewhere in the morning, come back and nap / eat then head out in the afternoon. Maybe. Sometimes that second thing can be an activity at home with a simple spin on it to make it slightly more enticing.
The pressure to do too much and ātake advantageā of the weekend, or travel time, or a day off, can often set us up for failure in my experience. An inconvenient truth about small children is they are as volatile and unpredictable as a tariff announcement. š¬
Outings are best when simple. Go to a park, a coffee shop, or it could be something to āseeā like a nature walk, etc. Less is more. Donāt overthink it. The kids (and we) donāt need elaborate plans.
Itās never about the place/the outing/the achievement anyway. Our true enjoyment is in the process or journey itself. I have had amazing experiences right off a highway en route to the supercool destination because there was less expectation or pressure and more room for surprisesā¦ and real flops at that place we saw on yelp that was kinda inconvenient but we HAD TO see it.
I lean on this at home too. True story: Itās Saturday morning and the antsy feelings are kicking in from all angles at once. Itās 10:30am. What do we do? My toddler is bored and whining. The baby needs to nap soon. Heās cranky. My husband wants to make a decision less than he wants me to light him on fire. OMFG WHERE DO WE GO FROM HEREā¦. my notes app.
Take notes
This is another tactical thing I have found to work for me as a parent, though I kinda wish I would have been in this habit as a young adultā¦ Take notes!
If you really want to make that one to two things a day simple, have a list to choose from. I have a note with ākid friendly things that donāt suck for adultsā to do in my area, so I can pull it up and pick one when Iām feeling stumped because my brain is fried.
I canāt tell you what having a list of restaurants would have done for me in my twenties when my hubby and I got to Friday night and inevitably where likeā¦ what do you wanna eat tonight? I dunnoā¦ *start the death scroll of every place thatās open youāve ever eaten at followed by a frustrating nothing fight ending with sushi. š¤¬*
I hope you had a wonderful summer āļøš here are some life nuggetsā¦
*Life nuggets*
This is random, but I highly recommend making face stickers for birthdays and special occasions. Youāre welcome. Hereās a random, inexpensive seller I used on amazon.
I read recently that if your kids have magnetic tiles, the best way to store them is in sight and āstackedā by shape. This serves as a visual queue and invitation for them to use them. I had mine in the box and they were barely played withā¦ now my kids grab them daily. š½
I created an art table inspired by the wonderful Lizzie Assa from the workspace for children. Let me tell youā¦ seldom am I influenced to purchase kid stuff and I only follow about 5 accounts whose primary focus is advice on parenting. I am SUPER discerning and picky about this. I canāt recommend this enough. I genuinely didnāt think my kids were into art and once I set this up for them, they loved it. Especially my older one. Here is the post with a list of all the supplies she recommends. Itās a great starting point, though there isnāt a reason to spend a ton of money. Shop around and supplement with supplies you have at home. For example, we were gifted several āart typeā kits that I had stored, so I used this as an opportunity to make them a part of the table.
xoxo,
c.